George Carlin Quotes on Politics - LiveAbout If youre born in America you get a front row seat.23.Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.24.I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose it'll be much harder to detect. I love individuals. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. God has a three-day weekend.44.Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics. Considered as one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time, his distinctive and provocative style of speeches, aimed at ridiculing the vices of the American society, redefined the genre and influenced a great number of comics. By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. George Carlin quotes and jokes about humanity. The people are f**ked.58.If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.59.Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.60.I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings . She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin Quotes. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age. I always think of that. What does it mean to pre-board? May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. I think your value is priceless. Its just soft., Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. 500 matching entries found. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. Login Sign Up. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Thank God people dont age as fast as other creatures, because otherwise youd be gone by now. George Carlinis well known for his profoundly funny and provocative quotes and one-liners. Wishing you all the best in your 60th Birthday. 500 matching entries found. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. Documentary, Comedy, 1984. The challenge is to find it. Book by George Carlin, 2004. Don't bother what anybody else has to say, you have changed my life and I will never forget that. Comedian Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. 25 Insanely Funny George Carlin Quotes - Quotezine I will never be able to forget the support that you have given me. Oftentimes, tasks can sometimes [] More, 99% of passengers couldnt identify this world class musician, Joshua Bell, a world class violinist, decides to play the violin for 45 minutes in a busy train station. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. Get curated quotes straight into your inbox before everyone else! And a list of people they're going to visit at 3am. To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. by David Sable, www.huffingtonpost.com. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? When youre born in America, you get a front row seat., You know an odd feeling? 218 Copy quote. It's your birthday! Funny Birthday Wishes 60th Birthday Birthday Funny Getting Old 40th Birthday Jokes Diplomacy Aggressive 65th Birthday Birthday Friends Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? 1999. People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. Who said youre sixty? //]]>, by Quotezine Team November 3, 2013, 10:53 pm. Live album by George Carlin, 1988. But he loves you. If I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I would have memorized it years ago! The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. 125 Best George Carlin Quotes on Life - Parade I wanna live. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. Every day we present the best quotes! On Weather - Top 10 George Carlin Quotes - TIME Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.". There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, d..k Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. It is time to party! Birthday Quotes - BrainyQuote And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.25.Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.26.Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?27.How is it possible to have a civil war?28.War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower-class men off to die.29.Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.30.Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election.