Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind. ~ (George Carlin). Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose., "Life is not that complicated. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. This is not good work. "Edmund, you're talking to yourself." I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. ~ (George Carlin). Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. ~ (George Carlin). "In America, anyone can become president. Everyone smiles in the same This is what we have to offer. -- "Dance for yourself. They will only bring you down to their level and beat If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. George Carlin, in full George Denis Patrick Carlin, (born May 12, 1937, New York, N.Y., U.S.died June 22, 2008, Santa Monica, Calif.), American comedian whose Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television routine led to a U.S. Supreme Court ruling that gave the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) the right to determine when to Its what our system produces: Garbage in. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. He often spoke about his youth in Catholic school and, as a result of his particular schools relatively liberal approach to education, he says, he was given the intellectual freedom to eventually reject the faith. A close adviser to President [], Led Zeppelin is probably the most epic rock band of all time. People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. ~ (George Carlin). Here are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. Enjoy! 10. In America, anyone can become president. Thats the problem. 11. I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country. Feel free to indulge in the philosophy and comedy of George Carlin, expect to be offended at least part of the time. Fuck em. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. ~ (George Carlin). Youre just going to wind up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. What's the fucking mystery? When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. George Carlin on Voting transcript The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot. ~ (George Carlin). 63. How are YOU going to tackle today? Atheism is a non-prophet organization. ~ (George Carlin). They own and control the corporations. People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they cant do math. Its perfect. We invite you and ask you to help us update this wiki by editing it. The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14 stand-up comedy specials on HBO, George Carlin was widely considered one of Americans most influential comedians. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. If youre born in America you get a front row seat. 42. 78. 120. 111. 30 Best George Carlin Quotes The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. The planet is fine. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. ~ (George Carlin). Police threw at him.If they were born a decade or two earlier, today's young "social revolutionaries" would've been Carlin fans. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. George Carlin Its never going to get any better, dont look for it. 86. Because you have the most money? I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. Maybe its because he heard we have 18 delicious flavors of Classic Rice-A-Roni! Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. ~ (George Carlin). We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. I consider them to be symbols and I leave symbols to the symbol minded. ~ (George Carlin). ", "Selling is legal. George Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. 53. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to 24. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. They don't like him because the media and the academic elite have brainwashed them to the point where they cannot think beyond liberal orthodoxy.Carlin remarked that it was a terrible shame that liberals were leading the war against free speech. That was me when I was fourteen. Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion. Theres no present. Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. Garbage out. Fuck hope. We think in language. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. ~ (George Carlin). First of all, I can see the sun, okay? People like to twist that around. Whether we agreed with his acerbiccommentary or not, his words always reminded us of how sharp a weapon humor can be in slicing through the surface of our assumptions and leaving us, as he would say, gasping for breath.. Religion is like a pair of shoes Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. Thats the problem. Its because volunteers work for no pay. When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. ", "Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. 104. ", "The God excuse: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument. 52. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. They will do anything for the unborn. If God created everything, hes got a serious quality control problem. ~ (George Carlin). George Carlin was born and raised in Manhattan, New York in 1937 and died in Santa Monica, California in 2008. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. ~ (George Carlin). They believe a woman's primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state. I dont vote. 46. The following statement is true. Everybodys at the mall scratching his ass, picking his nose, taking out his credit card out of a fannie-pack, and buying a pair of sneakers with lights in them. An outsider: someone not part of the group. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. They're anti-woman. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. 64. If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. ~ (George Carlin). The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. Carlin passed away in 2008 of heart failure.With his sparkling intellect and caustic humour, George Carlin derided and criticized political, religious, cultural and taboo subjects. 36. My mother would say, Why are you always playing alone? And I would say, Im not playin, Ma. Something is definitely wrong. SCOTUS Now Just Another Congressional Committee, Trump Ramps up Attacks on DeSantis: 'Dropping Like a Rock', Russian Strikes on Pavlohrad Aim to Hamper Ukraine's Counteroffensive, Greg Abbott Criticized for Response to Texas Shooting: 'A New Low', Democrat Sold First Republic Stock, Bought JP Morgan Before Collapse, Conservative Influencers Struggle With Countering Biden's Messaging. Maybe this time itll work. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Religion is like a pair of shoes. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control people's language with strict codes and rigid rules. George Carlin They [Catholic teachers] would fall back on, Well, its a mystery.[2]. Someone outside the circle, looking in. We could see through the hypocracy and illogic of our parents and teachers, but because of our age and size we couldn't do anything about it. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent people, and they get into office and screw everything up, well you are responsible for what they have done, YOU caused the problem, you voted them in, you have no right to complain. Here's one for the ladies, "Nary-A-Carry"! Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. It will not be with jack-boots. 62. So I have solved this little political dilemma for myself in a very simple way: on election-day, I-STAY-HOME. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. 116. Laugh often, long and loud. 11. It's so obvious that it almost goes without saying, but comedians are generally more intelligent and sensitive than the average person. And term-limits aint going to do you any good. 51. ", "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to haveselfish, ignorant leaders. 79. And term-limits aint going to do you any good. I took his shoes. The planet is fine. Could it be everyone? The people are f***ed. I just dont have as many people who believe it. "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Goalcast inspires the world through stories. FUCK THEM. 3. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. Dont just teach your children to read Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. ~ (George Carlin). George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote George Carlin Quotes The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. 74. Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. And secondly, I dont vote cause I believe if you vote, you have no right to complain. George Carlin was way ahead of his time. I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin is a philosopherwho follows logicTo claim he is left or right is obtuse. Analyse the Republicans now.#DemVoice1 #Fresh pic.twitter.com/1VVJdfOnVg, Tony #DemVoice1 (@TonyHussein4) May 21, 2022. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. He was a spiritual atheist as an adult. If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. When you die, it all stays here. If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. You have no choice. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. And theyre elected by American citizens. 15. The people are fucked. Weve added years to life, not life to years. The government doesnt care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. ~ (George Carlin). The quote continues: "They own all the important land. 2. 45. Never let the brain idle. When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show.
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